Crystalline
by PageKarasu
Summary: (1x2, slight angst) Duo does a collage of Heero's eyes, his lost love who never returned after the war. In the midst of Duo's pain, Heero shows up unexpectedly.


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Page: So hey, I was looking through these disks that I have because my damned computer is falling apart and I want to save all my stories before it crashes on me. I found this. I'm posting it because I think it has promise. It's unedited, but I will edit it when I have more time.

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Archive: Sure, if you'd like, just let me know.

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Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or the Gundam boys, I merely play naughty with them. Don't sue, I don't have anything.

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Crystalline

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~ Part 1 ~

It had only been 6 months ago that I was diagnosed with a memory disorder. It seldom coincided with amnesia. It was unnamed and unheard of. To my relief, it wasn't serious. It didn't eat away at my anamnesis; it just faded in and out at unpredictable times. And every time, I would fight to remember. I had to remember. 

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~*~

It was the eyes. It had always _been_ the eyes. They were constantly challenging, constantly enticing. I figured that - that was why I walked out of the lop-sided construction with a satisfied smile plastered on my face, carrying the knowledge that I had aced my art final. 

I got to my apartment that night with an antsy feeling. I had to keep myself occupied. That or scream out loud. I knew that I was happy that I was done with college, done with long hours and little sleep. That wasn't it though, that wasn't why I was so restless. It was something else. 

I cleaned up if you can believe it. I cleaned my place top to bottom, tidying papers that were strewn carelessly along my kitchen table and dispersing scraps of the remaining pictures that weren't completely overturned. I put the rest back into the beat up shoebox and under the wooden floor panel.

I was long ready to leave the day behind but for some reason I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned for 15 minutes before sitting up. I kicked the blankets down toward the edge of the bed marveling in their scrunched state. I rubbed the bottoms of my bare feet, trying to help them adjust to the sudden nip of the room.

I looked from left to right, right to left, in the darkness. The faintest light shone through the rain paned window, as I looked straight ahead. A few dozen pairs of cold blue eyes stared back at me. I felt momentarily like I was having a staring contest but I dismissed the idea quickly. I couldn't have a staring contest with a poster board and the cutouts glued to it. If I could have however, there is no doubt the poster board would have won. 

I really wasn't expecting to have the best art piece in the class. I wasn't even planning on using it as my display. I had been preoccupied and had nothing to show as a final. So I used what was keeping me from my schoolwork. That art was something personal that I had to do. I craved to understand it, yet I was terrified to break through my denial. 

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~ Flashback ~ 

" Ohayo!" Duo said, unsteadily walking to the kitchen hallway. 

Quatre looked up from his coffee and smiled. " Good morning Duo. What's that you got there?"

Duo looked down at his occupied hand that was slightly hidden from Quatre's view. " It's a camera. I just thought that I could get some pictures of you guys… candid or not." He wrapped the short strap of the camera around his thin wrist. " You know, just of doing what you usually do."

Quatre looked at Duo skeptically. " Hey Duo… you know that if anyone were to ever see or get a hold of pictures of us… that we'd…" Quatre looked down at the lighter color of cream and sugar swirling in his coffee. " … and you know that the other three, especially Heero wouldn't have that." 

Duo looked at Quatre defiantly. " Look man, I just… I just need some reassurance that my life… this life, has something. Has someone. I want to remember you all if I get through this war. I want to be able to remember you outside of the war so that when I look back I see Quatre, not Quatre… splattered with blood."

Quatre understood even though he still disagreed. 

" Plus, you know I how much I want to get Heero in my camera." He said tapping the edge of the device. " Heero has got to be completely oblivious which I know is gonna be hard. But… he's worth it." 

Quatre smiled. " Duo, you have got to so something about this crush. I don't mean try to stop loving…er… liking him. Just be careful okay? We may be the kinder of the five of us, but remember those three, more so Heero, are all for the mission."

" Yeah Q, I know." Duo said walking out of the kitchen but not before snapping a few shots of him. 

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~ End flashback ~

I remember snapping photos of Heero. I had so many. I thought that Quatre was right, he'd be the most hard-headed to deal with about this but I'd be stubborn back, if not more so. Although he was so alert and scrutinized everything and everyone, he oddly enough let me take pictures of him. It blew my mind that I wasn't lying on the floor with the camera stuffed down my throat and the film wrapped around my body. So every chance that I had, whether he was aware and looking or not, I took pictures. I even think I neglected the other guys because Heero was actually letting me capture him on film.

I liked it best when he'd look straight into the camera. I loved his eyes. I loved them so much. They were always what woke me up in the middle of the night, what made me so hard I could barely stand it, or what I'd look forward to the next morning. Yet most of all, those eyes would remind me what I was fighting for. 

But there isn't any use in reminiscing now. I haven't seen Heero in 6 years now. That's why I did this. I was forgetting him. I was forgetting the little expressions that he _did _make. I was forgetting the smell of his bed sheets that I secretly slept in while he was gone on a mission. I was forgetting the voice of the only person that I've ever loved. How could I have done that? How could have I forgotten the only person who stole my breath from my chest when he walked past me? The only person I'd allow myself to cry over when he'd be weeks late from a solo assignment? 

I can remember the way I slept in his bed while he was gone. Yeah, I knew I couldn't be with him, he'd always put me second to the war and I just don't think I could've handled that. I'd bury my face deep into his feather pillow and tangle my legs in his sheets. I recall brushing my hair with his brush, heaven knows I got more use out of the thing then Heero ever would have. I could remember the things I did but I couldn't remember… him. 

I didn't want to forget Heero. I loved him, I still love him and even though it hurt to remember, I didn't want to erase him from me. I would sooner live with him in my memory than without him at all. 

So one night, when I had wet tears of frustration and anxiety running down my face because I couldn't remember those two eyes that showed me everything about him, I got out that old shoe box full of pictures of Heero.

It was raining that night, significant at the time. It gave a melancholy atmosphere to match my mood. His eyes, they were so crucial to my remembrance of him. They still are. So I cut them out. 

~ End Part 1 ~ 

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Notes: I actually really like this. I kind of want to stop it here because I think if I wrote more, I'd screw it up, but if you want more, let me know. I have more to write on it. So it's gonna be up to all you that review!! 


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